The ages old story of the never ending battle, between heart and mind. For what one wants and what should be done!
In a perfect world, the heart and mind go in a unison. But, only a few live in that kind of a bubble. From what I see, most of us are cursed to endure the pain of choosing one over the other, and then, live with the guilt and agonizing thoughts of "It would have been", "It could have been" "I should have done that" and, many more thoughts attached with the strings of the ageless and most painful IF.
Picking sides. Heart over mind, or mind over heart? It was never easy. Which ever you decide on, either way only you get to loose. Pick the right thing to do and walk over all your heart's desire, or pick your callous heart and maybe regret it later due to some unhappy consequences it led to. The easy way is to be contended and satisfied with your desicion and with the things that follow. Easily said then done. Ironically my parents chose to name me 'Tripti'..,which means exactly what I am not.. SATISFIED.
Sometimes I wonder would it be better if one of the two silences forever. Atleast that way the nagging and gagging feelings will go away. Or what if I just listened to my heart... hoped that my brain would not think and overthink things through. I wonder would I be more at peace with myself? Would I be more happy. More satisfied with the things and with my actions which led to them. Would I still be bound with the strong cuffs of remorse for the things that I should have taken care of?
And at times I just dont get it? My mind overthinks things already in past. Like some old broken recorder, it plays the whole thing, but gets invariably stuck at my mistakes. Why? Why do I that? Wondering had I done somethings differently?? How different would my life be then? But the point is moot. Its useless. And I know that digging in the past, scrapping out the skins has never done any good. But it will only make me feel like a captive, in a cage created by myself. And I can assure you, its the worst kind of prison. Its like purgatory. Eternally living in that moment you know you could have changed but you didn't. Its your own personal hell.
Sadly, I have few moments of such regrets in that huge book of grievances. And I hope that maybe someday I will be able to step out in the sun again and feel the fresh air caress my face... I hope that someday I will be liberated from this baggage I carry... And I know that its not far away....
In a perfect world, the heart and mind go in a unison. But, only a few live in that kind of a bubble. From what I see, most of us are cursed to endure the pain of choosing one over the other, and then, live with the guilt and agonizing thoughts of "It would have been", "It could have been" "I should have done that" and, many more thoughts attached with the strings of the ageless and most painful IF.
Picking sides. Heart over mind, or mind over heart? It was never easy. Which ever you decide on, either way only you get to loose. Pick the right thing to do and walk over all your heart's desire, or pick your callous heart and maybe regret it later due to some unhappy consequences it led to. The easy way is to be contended and satisfied with your desicion and with the things that follow. Easily said then done. Ironically my parents chose to name me 'Tripti'..,which means exactly what I am not.. SATISFIED.
Sometimes I wonder would it be better if one of the two silences forever. Atleast that way the nagging and gagging feelings will go away. Or what if I just listened to my heart... hoped that my brain would not think and overthink things through. I wonder would I be more at peace with myself? Would I be more happy. More satisfied with the things and with my actions which led to them. Would I still be bound with the strong cuffs of remorse for the things that I should have taken care of?
And at times I just dont get it? My mind overthinks things already in past. Like some old broken recorder, it plays the whole thing, but gets invariably stuck at my mistakes. Why? Why do I that? Wondering had I done somethings differently?? How different would my life be then? But the point is moot. Its useless. And I know that digging in the past, scrapping out the skins has never done any good. But it will only make me feel like a captive, in a cage created by myself. And I can assure you, its the worst kind of prison. Its like purgatory. Eternally living in that moment you know you could have changed but you didn't. Its your own personal hell.
Sadly, I have few moments of such regrets in that huge book of grievances. And I hope that maybe someday I will be able to step out in the sun again and feel the fresh air caress my face... I hope that someday I will be liberated from this baggage I carry... And I know that its not far away....
Sometimes you let your mind rule over the heart because it presents a valid argument to prove that the only thing you are craving for right now is possibly a mistake.... you pacify your emotions because you know your mind is right.
ReplyDeleteI see a smile on all the faces who plaster their broken hearts with this very thought.
Picking right is not important.... living with it is! Contention is not the target... getting over the missed opportunity is!